I’m dating this guy who lives about a 3 hour drive from me, I’m turning 20, and he is turning 18 next week. We were first set up on a blind date by a mutual friend I go to school with, that was on December 8, 2001, he had asked me to date him about 3 weeks ago and I said yes. I really like the guy and hope our relationship grows and lasts forever, but I used >to sleep around a lot in the last 3 years, I MEAN A LOT!!!! And sometimes I still have the urge to, but I fight it off. We are gonna be moving into the same city soon so we will be closer and can see each other more often,and then I won’t have to sneak behind my parents back just to call him. I was wondering is this a healthy relationship, and how can I stop thinking about having sex with other men. Me and my boyfriend both agreed to wait until later on in the relationship to have sex, and masturbating isn’t doing much for me. How can I make it go away?!

The bottom line is if you want the relationship to work you have to be honest and trustworthy.

If you can’t play by the rules you set up, then maybe the rules need to change, but whatever happens, be honest and talk about it. Maybe you guys should talk about how good the relationship feels and when you are in the same city it will be great, but what if in the meantime you could sleep with other people?? It would involve a lot of communication, openness and discussion and you have to bring it up in the beginning as theoretical.

Bottom line… if you are meant to be with each other, sex shouldn’t in theory have that much to do with anything. You will both always be attracted to other guys. Love and committment and trust are much bigger than sex.

Be realistic and be honest.

When I first came out everyone seemed very cool about it, but now that it’s been almost two weeks I’m having a lot of problems with people in school. I know that it’s some form of harrassment but no one will do anything about it but me. I have people yelling at me in the hallway and threatening me if I look at them wrong, people throwing food at me on my lunch. I’m worried that this will escalate to a level where I might have to leave school which I do not want to do, because I actually like going to school everyday. What should I do????? Please help!

Dear Dave

Thanks for writing, bud. Sounds like you are going through a tough time. School can be tough when you come out, and it sounds like you need some support. You may end up switching schools. But you may be able to weather it out as well. For one, don’t let them think you are a victim. Don’t be afraid. Remember that they are basically taking their own self-hate out on you. Typically, the harassers are the ones who, late at night, are thinking about boys, and probably you. Do always keep that in the back of your head. Sometime you might just ask em “hey why are you so interested in me?”

some questions:
1. Are you out to your parents? Are they supportive / would they be supportive?
2. The people who are cool with you coming out, are they around to support you? Can you at least tell them you are in a tough position?
3. APPROXIMATELY where do you live? Like, is it a conservative area?
4. What would your principal say if you went to him/her? Sometimes if they won’t do anything but it’s still worth getting it on record that there are these assholes with nothing better to do than pick on a cool dude like you.

OK, we’ll keep thinkin for ya. It will all pass eventually. It may be a while but it will pass. Be strong and confident as best as you can dude.

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