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Sometimes, being gay or bi or lesbian or whatever might mean some stressful emotional times. It is helpful if your doctor understands what’s going on, and talking up front about your same-sex feelings is ok so long as you trust your doctor not to try and warp your head into being all straight and stuff. We usually recommend you come out to your doctor as soon as you can, before an issue arises (like you get an STD and you gotta talk about sexand stuff) that would require you to come out.

Some ways to do this are: When your doctor asks: ”Is there anything else?” say “Yeah there is” and tell him/her. Or, you can start your visit right off with “As you know, I am gay, and anyways, I was wondering if you could give me some safer sex tips?” Another good thing to do is spend some time trying to figure out if your doctor has any prejudices or anything by talking generally about the topic before actually saying you’re gay. Then if you can get a good feeling about how your doctor might react, you can go ahead and tell him/her without worrying.

Well I am using my friend’s e-mail address because I want this to be anonymous from me. I have a boyfriend who I love very much and he says he loves me too. We just started going out not too long ago. Basically everyone that I introduce him to is telling me that he is gay and I know he acts like it. I don’t know how to tell and I can’t ask him because I know from experiences he had with my other friend, that it is a TOUCHY subject for him HELP ME!

Anonymous

This is a really tough thing to answer with any confidence. But we’ll try. I dated girls til I was 21. I loved it and I hated it. People said I was gay now and then but they were really either just teasing me cuz they teased everyone that way or they had issues of their own. I was pretty straight on the surface, but I did like clothes a lot hehe~! anyway, what the people who you introduce him to say has nothing to do with whether he is gay or not.

I worry that it is such a touchy subject for him, and I sorta feel like if it really is he might be going through some stuff on the inside he just isn’t prepared to deal with on the surface and he wishes people would just shut up. I have to say that usually the most anti-gay people turn out to be gay. Being anti gay is a defense mechanism based on the misguided notion that people who see you being anti-gay will therefore assume you are straight. However that’s not to say that that is what your boyfriend is doing. There are lots of straight dudes who act like gay dudes or whatever, and really what other people think well it doesn’t matter. Maybe your boy is confused, maybe he is bi, maybe he is changing his mind, maybe maybe maybe…. If you are worried he is gay and you are wasting your time with him, well, it may result in something else like a really good friendship in the end so it won’t be a loss. A forever kinda friendship. The first person I told was my girlfriend. We are best friends forever, and she and I are THERE for each other.

I don’t think you will get anywhere by asking him. You can, however talk about things indirectly by, say, showing him that being gay is perfectly ok and normal. and if the subject comes up between the two of you about his maybe being gay, just say it doesn’t matter anyways you will always consider him a friend. Even if it makes him angry in the inside, hearing it from you will help.

The best test may be time. See how things go between you two. Try not to listen to everyone else. Enjoy yourself.

If you are still going crazy about this, send us an email in a few weeks and update us. Explain, be specific. Maybe there will be some more things we can help with and say.

Finally there is not such thing as gay or straight. Everyone has the potential to love and have sex with whomever they want, gay and straight are just labels, invented just a little over a century ago.

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